You know that one dream...

... the one where you forget to wear pants, and you go to school or work and everyone laughs at you and then you wake up in a cold sweat? Why would you reenact this willingly? Because that's what some people are starting to do.

This, ladies and (possible) gentlemen, is what I call the 'Terrifying Nightmare' look. So, what inspires these people to act out their nighttime horrors?

Honestly, I have no idea. Maybe they read my last post and were just so discouraged that they decided to forgo pants. This is wrong. SAY YES TO PANTS (or at least a nice skirt)!

Maybe they think it's sexy. >.> Sounds awfully gothic to me, thinking terrible nightmare looks are sexy.

Now, let's explain exactly why this look is bad (besides the fact that you're not wearing pants).

This look is unbalanced. Most people try to wear it with a loose, long shirt. In fact, a disturbingly large amount of people try to wear it with huge plaid shirts. Lumberjack and ballet dancer don't mesh.

Wearing just tights on your bottom half, and a huge shirt on your top half makes you look like a giant muffin. Yeah, that's right. You MUFFIN TOP. (Them's fightin' words there)

And with Uggs? Now you just look silly. Do I even need to explain why you look silly in a huge shirt, ugly clown boots, and tights? I mean, really. I think you know.

Now, can someone explain to me how you avoid showing everyone your panties? Like, seriously, when you bend over, can't you at least see the outlines? VLP is WRONG, people.

No pictures today, something is being stupid (it's probably me).

What's the skinny?

This may hit a little hard for some of you, but skinny jeans are ridiculous and don't look good on half of you.I know. I know. I'm sorry it has to be like this, I'm sorry I'm so blunt, but sometimes the only way to force my way in is through blunt force trauma to the head (at least, that's what I tell the judge).

I will admit, skinny jeans look good on some people. The operative word in that sentence ought to be 'some.' They don't flatter everyone. In fact, they look terrible on anyone who's not thin as a rail. If you have hips, do not wear them. They will make you look like a pear squeezing in to spandex for some Jazzercise.
You can sob on me, if you like, if it'll make you feel better. If you want to wear something skintight, wear tights and a skirt. You'll look classy, unlike that pear.

The unique thing about skinny jeans is that while they make your hips look huge, they make your butt look like a recently steamrolled road. You know when you ask your boy 'Hey, does my butt look good in these jeans?' when you're wearing your tightest skinnies, and he says 'Yes, hun, let's GO?' Well, he was lying. Your butt looks like nothing.
Look at that butt. It could be great. But no, this woman has wrapped it up in skinny jeans, and it's flat and unexciting.

If you're the type to ask if your butt looks too big, then he wasn't lying. Your butt does not look too big. In fact, it disappears.

Fascinating phenomenon, right?

That's all I really have to say about skinny jeans. They're not bad on everyone... just most people. Wear them with care, my sensible fashionistas, wear them with care.

Crocodile tears

As you may have guessed, today's topic is... Crocs. Yes, those ridiculous rubber clogs that some people insist on trudging around in.
'But Lizzy', you say, 'everyone picks on Crocs. Can't you find some other hilarious fashion faux-pas to snark about?'
'Well, my faithful follower,' I reply, 'I would be remiss if I didn't pick on Crocs, and you would be sure to ask me why I hadn't. So shut your mouth and let me complete my mandatory Crocs post.'
So. Crocs. Honestly, what's to like about them?
Just look at that pile of Croc. Does it look like a pile of solidified industrial waste to you too? Yeah, I thought so. What do these even go with? Scrubs?

Okay, I can give you scrubs. Anyone who may save my life is allowed to wear whatever they want to. But I've seen people in semi-professional positions wear them to work. These shoes are not your work shoes. These shoes should be your 'toss them in the trash along with your disco clothes and that terrible music you used to listen to ages ago' shoes. (Yeah, I know all about that one song you used to love.)

Okay, we're getting to the worst part. Cover your eyes if you're squeamish, because I'm about to show you some pretty horrifying imagery.
Ready?
You sure?
That. Those are... holiday Crocs. Winter Crocs, if you will. Now, why would you wear shoes with holes in them during the winter? Is your comfort so important to you that you'd forgo... comfort?
And another thing- now they make Crocs that ape the look of other, more attractive shoes. No, Crocs, we can all tell when someone is wearing you. You can't hide your ugliness behind different patterns.
And now I leave you with one more picture of industrial waste, just to ruin the rest of your day. No need to thank me, I pat myself on the back enough as it is.