You know that one dream...

... the one where you forget to wear pants, and you go to school or work and everyone laughs at you and then you wake up in a cold sweat? Why would you reenact this willingly? Because that's what some people are starting to do.

This, ladies and (possible) gentlemen, is what I call the 'Terrifying Nightmare' look. So, what inspires these people to act out their nighttime horrors?

Honestly, I have no idea. Maybe they read my last post and were just so discouraged that they decided to forgo pants. This is wrong. SAY YES TO PANTS (or at least a nice skirt)!

Maybe they think it's sexy. >.> Sounds awfully gothic to me, thinking terrible nightmare looks are sexy.

Now, let's explain exactly why this look is bad (besides the fact that you're not wearing pants).

This look is unbalanced. Most people try to wear it with a loose, long shirt. In fact, a disturbingly large amount of people try to wear it with huge plaid shirts. Lumberjack and ballet dancer don't mesh.

Wearing just tights on your bottom half, and a huge shirt on your top half makes you look like a giant muffin. Yeah, that's right. You MUFFIN TOP. (Them's fightin' words there)

And with Uggs? Now you just look silly. Do I even need to explain why you look silly in a huge shirt, ugly clown boots, and tights? I mean, really. I think you know.

Now, can someone explain to me how you avoid showing everyone your panties? Like, seriously, when you bend over, can't you at least see the outlines? VLP is WRONG, people.

No pictures today, something is being stupid (it's probably me).

What's the skinny?

This may hit a little hard for some of you, but skinny jeans are ridiculous and don't look good on half of you.I know. I know. I'm sorry it has to be like this, I'm sorry I'm so blunt, but sometimes the only way to force my way in is through blunt force trauma to the head (at least, that's what I tell the judge).

I will admit, skinny jeans look good on some people. The operative word in that sentence ought to be 'some.' They don't flatter everyone. In fact, they look terrible on anyone who's not thin as a rail. If you have hips, do not wear them. They will make you look like a pear squeezing in to spandex for some Jazzercise.
You can sob on me, if you like, if it'll make you feel better. If you want to wear something skintight, wear tights and a skirt. You'll look classy, unlike that pear.

The unique thing about skinny jeans is that while they make your hips look huge, they make your butt look like a recently steamrolled road. You know when you ask your boy 'Hey, does my butt look good in these jeans?' when you're wearing your tightest skinnies, and he says 'Yes, hun, let's GO?' Well, he was lying. Your butt looks like nothing.
Look at that butt. It could be great. But no, this woman has wrapped it up in skinny jeans, and it's flat and unexciting.

If you're the type to ask if your butt looks too big, then he wasn't lying. Your butt does not look too big. In fact, it disappears.

Fascinating phenomenon, right?

That's all I really have to say about skinny jeans. They're not bad on everyone... just most people. Wear them with care, my sensible fashionistas, wear them with care.

Crocodile tears

As you may have guessed, today's topic is... Crocs. Yes, those ridiculous rubber clogs that some people insist on trudging around in.
'But Lizzy', you say, 'everyone picks on Crocs. Can't you find some other hilarious fashion faux-pas to snark about?'
'Well, my faithful follower,' I reply, 'I would be remiss if I didn't pick on Crocs, and you would be sure to ask me why I hadn't. So shut your mouth and let me complete my mandatory Crocs post.'
So. Crocs. Honestly, what's to like about them?
Just look at that pile of Croc. Does it look like a pile of solidified industrial waste to you too? Yeah, I thought so. What do these even go with? Scrubs?

Okay, I can give you scrubs. Anyone who may save my life is allowed to wear whatever they want to. But I've seen people in semi-professional positions wear them to work. These shoes are not your work shoes. These shoes should be your 'toss them in the trash along with your disco clothes and that terrible music you used to listen to ages ago' shoes. (Yeah, I know all about that one song you used to love.)

Okay, we're getting to the worst part. Cover your eyes if you're squeamish, because I'm about to show you some pretty horrifying imagery.
Ready?
You sure?
That. Those are... holiday Crocs. Winter Crocs, if you will. Now, why would you wear shoes with holes in them during the winter? Is your comfort so important to you that you'd forgo... comfort?
And another thing- now they make Crocs that ape the look of other, more attractive shoes. No, Crocs, we can all tell when someone is wearing you. You can't hide your ugliness behind different patterns.
And now I leave you with one more picture of industrial waste, just to ruin the rest of your day. No need to thank me, I pat myself on the back enough as it is.

"Are you not entertained?"

And if you couldn't guess from the title of today's doctor-prescribed dose of snark, we're talking about gladiator sandals. These:
Pretty ugly already, yes? Well, added to the supreme ugliness is the fact that they aren't even historically accurate. At all.

Gladiators, first of all, were slaves. They weren't fancy fighting men, they were usually farmers and other unfortunates who pissed off their local senators. Not only that, they weren't issued shoes. They fought and died barefoot on the hot sand of the Colosseum for the amusement of a barbaric culture. No glamor, no winning free, and no shoes.

So, why the hell do we have shoes named after them?

Now, let's get to the good part. Why are they so ugly? Well... look at this:

Hello, strips of toxic waste. What do these go with? Besides Greek togas, what do these go with?

Not short skirts, that would look... patently ridiculous. Not pants, as A. there would be no point and B. the person wearing such a combination would look like an idiot wearing strappy sandals with long pants. So, nothing. These people are attaching strips of brightly colored faux leather to their feet for no discernible reason. Sounds like a fashion faux-pas to me.

And seriously... don't they look uncomfortable, with no style payoff? How would a person's feet feel after walking around in them all day? Just imagine that for a second. Now, why in the world would anyone be that uncomfortable without looking ridiculously hot? Because that's the only excuse for wearing uncomfortable shoes- looking sexy. These shoes are anything but sexy.

Sorry about the lack of updating yesterday, I felt terrible, and I don't have enough followers to bravely soldier on in the spirit of conquering adversity to get my cutting fashion critique to you on time. Now, if I had about a hundred of you people watching, then yeah, I could drag myself out of bed.


Tomorrow's topic: Crocs.

The Beginning

This is where sense and fashion collide. This is where you'll see some of the more popular fashion myths debunks. This is Sense and Fasionability, a deliciously blatant ripoff of a Jane Austen novel.

My first victim? *rubs her hands together in a delightfully evil manner* Cage sandals.



These shoes are some kind of crime. Did shoe designers steal lattice from the local garden store and slap it on some hapless model's feet? Are they trying to corset the foot? Or is their goal instead to make it look like people's feet bear a strong resemblance to sausage being squeezed too tightly?

Is this evil plot going to succeed? Not if I can help it!

Let me ask one question; What do these things go with? Seriously... I really don't know. They don't match short skirts, as they overbalance the look, making the feet too heavy and swiss-cheese like. They don't match knee-length and lower skirts, since most skirts of that length look ridiculous with very high heels anyway, especially high heels with holes in them. They don't go with pants. They just don't. Accept this. So that leaves... nothing.
Tomorrow... Gladiator sandals.