What's the skinny?

This may hit a little hard for some of you, but skinny jeans are ridiculous and don't look good on half of you.I know. I know. I'm sorry it has to be like this, I'm sorry I'm so blunt, but sometimes the only way to force my way in is through blunt force trauma to the head (at least, that's what I tell the judge).

I will admit, skinny jeans look good on some people. The operative word in that sentence ought to be 'some.' They don't flatter everyone. In fact, they look terrible on anyone who's not thin as a rail. If you have hips, do not wear them. They will make you look like a pear squeezing in to spandex for some Jazzercise.
You can sob on me, if you like, if it'll make you feel better. If you want to wear something skintight, wear tights and a skirt. You'll look classy, unlike that pear.

The unique thing about skinny jeans is that while they make your hips look huge, they make your butt look like a recently steamrolled road. You know when you ask your boy 'Hey, does my butt look good in these jeans?' when you're wearing your tightest skinnies, and he says 'Yes, hun, let's GO?' Well, he was lying. Your butt looks like nothing.
Look at that butt. It could be great. But no, this woman has wrapped it up in skinny jeans, and it's flat and unexciting.

If you're the type to ask if your butt looks too big, then he wasn't lying. Your butt does not look too big. In fact, it disappears.

Fascinating phenomenon, right?

That's all I really have to say about skinny jeans. They're not bad on everyone... just most people. Wear them with care, my sensible fashionistas, wear them with care.